


You're having my Baby

by vexedcer



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crack, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Mpreg, Not Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Compliant, i am so proud of this piece of shit, is it crack?? is it??? who fucking knows, it came out kinda fluffy fuck off, people are out of character i dont even care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-15 21:48:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3463211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vexedcer/pseuds/vexedcer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“She must have the wrong file, there’s no way…” Steve’s voice rambles out into silence. The blond looks at Bucky, who is apparently the father of his child. “How could this even <em>happen</em>?” </p><p>“Magic?” Sam offers.</p><p>“Gotta love magic,” Bucky responds sarcastically. Personally, everyone agrees.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're having my Baby

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, guys. I am so sorry. This is trash and I love it so much.
> 
> Basically me and [Ali](non-binary-trash.tumblr.com) were talking about what if in an mpreg fic everyone just wtf's the whole time so I.... I wrote it. Mostly. I'm sorry. 
> 
> Title is from that song that one guy on the first season on Glee sang to the girl who was pregnant with his best friend's baby and she lied and said it was his. So. Yeah.

Steve knows he should have said something sooner. Steve knows that, thanks to Bucky and Sam and Nat and all his doctors. Tony and Bruce both gave him Steve-You’re-A-Fucking-Idiot looks. Tony he could easily ignore, but Doctor Banner’s disapproval was harder to swallow somehow.

It happens like this. He’s on a mission, he has eyes on his target and Bucky is up high  somewhere watching his back, like always. He knows he should tap out when he starts getting light headed, but this mission is important. Steve has to see it through, or thats at least eight and a half months of SHIELD’s time gone to waste.

(The fact that SHIELD is still getting time is a miracle in and of itself. Steve doesn’t know what kind of deal Coulson made with the government - the President, even - but he damn well isn’t gonna waste this second chance.)

The dizziness isn’t that bad, Steve tells himself. His aim is fine, his eyes are still focused, and he’s swaying like hes on a ship but its gentle. Its nothing, really. Its not the first time its happened, its been coming and going for a few weeks, but its never been a hassle.

But this time it gets worse, the world gets louder around him. Blurred spots are panning over his eyes, his stomach churns like he’s going to vomit, then the world is gone.

He wakes up in a hospital bed some point later. Not much time has passed, he can tell, because the sky's still blue outside the window. But he’s met with worried glances from his friends who are gathered at his bedside. Steve groggily takes them in, as Bucky’s hands tighten around his.

“You’re a fucking idiot,” are the words his best friend greets him with.

“Love you too,” Steve manages in a slow voice. “What happened?

“You collapsed while on a mission, and then you wouldn’t wake up.”

Bruce is standing at the foot of his bed, flicking through Steve’s chart. He looks at the blond over the rim of his glasses. “Jemma says your blood tests will be back from the lab soon.”

Doctor Banner, for all his temper management issues, seems to radiate calmness. Steve supposes it makes sense. He has a lid on the Hulk most of the time, its logical that he gives off tranquility in normal circumstances. Steve really, really, really hates hospitals, has done since he was a kid with faulty lungs and a bad immune system. Even now, when he’s as healthy as the metaphorical horse - besides right now, of course -  and visits are no more than tapped ribs and stitches in deep flesh wounds, he’s crawling out of his skin. The place sets his teeth on edge. But Doctor Banner - Bruce seems to quell all the anxiety the starched sheets and chemically-clean smell give him.

The door behind them opens on a petite woman in her mid to late twenties. In her hands she holds a clipboard with letter filled pages stuck under the clip. Her eyes seem almost hesitant as she looks at the paper underhand.

“We just got the results back from the lab and - this may come as a bit of a shock.” She glances around at the others. “You all may want to sit down.”

Clint and Sam take the two vacant seats, while Nat, Bucky and Tony sit up a little straighter. Bruce stays standing.

The room is tense; Bucky seems to give off waves of worry next to Steve, like a storm at Coney, and his hands clutch harder to Steve’s to the point that blood circulation is cut off to his fingers.  

“You’re pregnant.”

The words are followed by a deep stunned silence.

“What.” The tone is flat. It doesn’t even sound like a question, and none of Steve’s usual  unfaulting  politeness is there.

“You’re currently exhibiting signs of pregnancy, such as lightheadedness, nausea, and high levels of  Human Chorionic Gonadotropin or HCG.” Simmons looks up, and scans to all the shocked faces. “

“Thats impossible.” Steve looks, wide eyed, at his friends, who are staring slack-jawed either at him or the doctor. “‘M pretty sure don’t have the equipment for that.”

“Well, its all in here, if you want to look.” She places the papers on the table at the footboard. “I’ll leave you to - process - everything. They want to keep you in overnight, for observation.” She takes her leave then, leaving them to sit in confused silence.

Doctor Banner picks up the papers and flicks through them.

“She must have the wrong file, there’s no way…” Steve’s voice rambles out into silence. The blond looks at Bucky, who is apparently the father of his child. “How could this even _happen_?”

“Magic?” Sam offers.

“Gotta love magic,” Bucky responds sarcastically. Personally, everyone agrees.

“I’m not even that surprised, really,” says a voice from across the room. The archer waves off the others confused glances before speaking again. “We’re superheroes. A bad-stuff fighting superhero team.” Clint says it like its obvious, before sighing and going on. “Steve is a _supersoldier_ from the _forties_ , Bucky is an ex- _brainwashed assassin_ , we’re friends with a _fucking norse god_ , who is on vacation with his wife, the woman with a _giant_ science boner. Bruce has a controllable rage beast inside him and I’m a _fucking archer_ on a team with superpowered beings and a genius billionaire. How can our lives get any weirder that this point?”

The room is once again silent, before Sam speaks. “He has a point, you know.”

“I can’t believe this,” Steve mumbles. “I’m pregnant. What the _fuck?_ ”

“What I’m wondering is,” Tony starts, “Who's the daddy?”  Steve and Bucky just give him blank looks, then look at each other and back at Tony.

Tony seems to catch on, with bulging eyes “Wait, wait, wait - _you_? And _him_? I thought the eye fucking was as far as it went.” Woah, Tony needed a drink.

They hadn’t officially announced that they were a couple, sure, but there was no way Tony hadn’t figured them out. C’mon... Really?

“For someone with the most sophisticated security system in America, you don’t know anything about what’s going on in your own tower,” Natasha responds mockingly.  

“We’re going to be dads,” Bucky suddenly says, “ _Jesus fucking Christ_.”

“I never thought I’d be a dad,” Steve says absently.

The room ellipses into silence for what feels like the hundredth time since Steve woke up.

Natasha’s phone lights up, throwing harsh white light across her face. “Coulson’s calling a team meeting. Right now.” When Steve makes to move she gives him a glare that conveys that by “ _Team_ ” she means “ _everyone currently not attracted to a drip_ ”.

The others all file out quietly.

“Tell Coulson I’ll be a few minutes,” Bucky tells Natasha. The door shuts on her fire framed face with a soft click. He turns back to Steve.

“So.”

“So.”

“Bucky,” Steve starts worriedly, “I know that this probably not what you’re expecting, sleeping with a guy an’ all -”

“ _‘Probably_ ’,” Bucky echoes.

Steve gives him a stern look. “- If this isn’t what you want, then tell me and we can work this out.”

“I’m okay, Steve. I like kids.” Bucky smiles one of those soft, private, glowy smiles. The ones he has when he feels safe. He ducks his head to hide behind his hair and plays with Steve’s hand while he speaks. “Being a dad would be kind of fun, I guess.”  Shaking the strands out of his face, he turns serious, “Are you okay?”

Steve hesitants. “I think so.” He bites his lip. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

“Good.” He leans forward to kiss Steve’s forehead. “I better go see Uncle Phil before he has an fit. Get some sleep.”

As soon as Bucky mentions sleep, Steve feels exhausted. “Yeah, okay.

Bucky kisses him chastely before sweeping towards the door. The lights dim into darkness and the shutters drawdown as the door clicks home. Steve turns over and thinks that Bucky is going to be a great dad.


End file.
